Devotional: How Far is Too Far?
Story
A young woman once told her pastor, “I don’t know if I’m in love, or if I’m just caught up in the moment. When we’re together, everything feels right — but when I’m alone, I’m not sure if this relationship is really good for me.” She wasn’t the first to feel that way, and she won’t be the last. Many couples start dating and quickly find themselves pulled into physical closeness. That closeness can feel powerful, but it can also make it hard to see clearly. Strong feelings can mask red flags and cloud judgment.
Scripture
1 Thessalonians 4:6 (MEV) “Let no man transgress and defraud his brother in any matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we have also forewarned you and testified.”
The word defraud (Greek pleonekteō) means to take advantage of, overreach, or stir up a desire in someone that you cannot righteously fulfill.
1 Thessalonians 4:3 (MEV) “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality.”
“Sexual immorality” translates the Greek porneia — fornication; any sexual activity outside of marriage.
Application to Dating
The blunt question: How far is too far when dating?
- Too far includes fornication (porneia) — sex outside of marriage.
- Too far also begins when you “defraud” a brother or sister — when you awaken and escalate desires you cannot righteously fulfill in marriage.
That means the line is crossed not only by intercourse, but by any deliberate progression that intentionally stirs passions beyond what is appropriate for a dating relationship.
The Real Purpose of Dating
Dating is meant to be a season of discovery, not of temptation. Use this season to learn whether you can communicate well, pray together, share values and life direction, understand each other’s love languages, and serve side by side.
The more physically attached you become, the harder it is to think clearly about whether this person is truly a wise partner for the long run. Passion can drown out wisdom; feelings can overshadow discernment.
Closing Challenge
- The line is not only “don’t commit fornication.”
- The line begins earlier — don’t create desires you cannot righteously fulfill.
Guard each other’s hearts. Build your relationship on communication, trust, shared faith, and a vision for the future. Save physical intimacy for marriage — where desire is fulfilled God’s way.
Closing Prayer
Lord, help us honor You in our relationships. Teach us to guard our hearts and protect the hearts of others. Give us wisdom to know where the line is and courage to live in purity until marriage. May our dating relationships glorify You and lead to marriages that reflect Christ’s love for His church. Amen.
Discussion Questions
- Why do you think Paul links “defrauding” a brother or sister with sexual immorality?
- What are practical ways to avoid awakening desires in dating that cannot be fulfilled until marriage?
- How does focusing on communication and shared values strengthen a relationship during dating?
- Why does physical attachment make it harder to discern whether someone is the right partner?
- What steps can you take this week to honor God in your dating (or future dating) relationships?
Estimated time: 15–20 minutes
